god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize