it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
