are you still at the devil's house?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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