So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
