I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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