Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
