Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
