I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
