FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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