Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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