after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
