If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
