so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
