I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
