Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
