Plan B is the new Plan A
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
