we were pretty classy up until the second keg
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
