Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
