chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
