call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
