i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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