Where did you get a picture of my penis
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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