I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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