The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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