sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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