it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
