someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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