Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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