I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
