Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
North Korea, Best Korea!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
