she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
