Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
