her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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