even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
