Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
