Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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