I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
