You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
