I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
