Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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