my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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