I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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