shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
