Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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