how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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