I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize