Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
