I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
