idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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