I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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