those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
