the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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