Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
