What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
