so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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