you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
