i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
