I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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