i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
