if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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