thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
