I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
